Questions...

Why am I living? It is one question I ask myself everyday but I never get an answer, and I am afraid there will be no life left by the time I get the answer. So, what do I do in the mean time. Should I just be happy that I have no where to go or worry that I am just wandering aimlessly and it is gonna end one day without any happy memory... Should I put the fake happy face and live an ideal life which everyone wants me to do, be a good daughter, good friend, good person... or just be myself, give a little credit to God for putting so much effort in making me who I am. How do I find answers to my questions? How do I know anything is true or not? what if one day I get up and realize that all this was for nothing, because its all just a game, or a play, and it will restart tomorrow again and there will be same people, the very same silly excuses for not being better person, very same negative energies, very same creatures who pretend to be human... I don't mind good things starting over, but shouldn't there be an end for dark? why is it always present, hiding and lurking in corners to engulf us the moment we let go the shield of light. May be I should just keep trying to find the answers, because all will be lost if we stop trying.

Life always has some challenge to throw at you when you least expect it. Sometimes I wonder, would it be worth living if I had everything I wanted in life. Why would I slog through a day... to get what... to reach which goal... I think it would be such a waste of time to live that kind of life. Life should be fun to live, a new day, a new moment, a new target, only old thing would be me...

A beautiful morning

Getting up early and walking on the terrace could be such a satisfying experience I never knew till I did it this morning. The clear sky just cheered me up, as if saying all the clouds will clear up one day, just don't give up. The bright green of leaves all around me looked so beautiful, so pure... as if nothing can fade it ever... it's just etched in my memory forever. There are a lots of things like this in my memory, some good some bad, but all there still alive.

I was just remembering my childhood days of carefree laughter, spending evenings on roof watching light fading on the horizon, clouds changing color, and I felt it's all the same, nothing has changed. I don't have to feel grown up ever, I can always live in my bubble and be happy.

My tea was almost getting cold when i remembered, and it reminded me of my sis... running behind me with food, so that I would leave the book aside and eat something. So much love I have left behind, so much to come in coming days. I feel so blessed. :)

Bhag Milkha Bhag

I was so excited to see this movie after getting such good reviews, but it turned out to be short of my expectations. I thought the movie was based on a real story and it would have that sense of respect and responsibility in representing a person. However, the commercialization of script has ruined the charm. I didn't enjoy the romance part really and it wasn't worth to put this much footage on a broken romance. Yes, it did create a soft spot for Milkha, but I guess any athlete would rather be known for his achievements than his bleeding heart.

What I loved and appreciated in movie really was Farhan Akhtar. He has played his part so well that it is like a tribute to real character. The struggle, the fire, the disappointment, the innocence, the determination... He has played every emotion with perfection. I simply loved him in movie. The part showing Indo-Pak division and tragedy is also very touching. I am sure the real scene was much more horrific than the movie, but they have succeeded in creating the effect.

On the whole I would say it was good movie, Farhan takes most of the credit for it though, coz I cant really remember anyone else in the movie. It was an interesting story of a Legend, and I am glad someone did justice in playing the role. 

RabindraNath Tagore, a name very famous in intellectual world as one of the best poets of his time. His poetry is like a sweet lullaby, beauty caught in words. However, I saw his paintings, and really it was a bit disappointment. I know I am not qualified to judge a big personality, I am just expressing my feelings. I always thought paining to be an art which can show beauty in ugliest of the things. It has a charm, in smooth flow of one color to another, a rhythm in change of shades, sometimes light playing tricks with colors, its just mesmerizing. But I didn't get the feeling when I saw Tagore's paintings in an exhibition. I felt it had a kind of raw edge in it which is completely absent in his poetry. It makes me feel that may be there was a part of him which was a bit raw, kind of angular, sharp, and difficult. May be one day I'll be able to read his whole work in poetry and understand more about him, his deep thoughts flowing from one to another, changing shades with every word, and making him immortal in his poems. 

Why do I read...

Its been a while... everyone asking me why I spend a lot of time sitting in my room with books. It's not exactly easy to explain why i prefer to spend time alone, or mostly with books and music. I guess it's just because it gives me time with myself. I love reading because it is not just a story which is going through my eyes, brain and heart... It is someone's way of looking at world, someone's definition of perfect world, someone's dream, someone's desires and wishes... so many things at once... it's really fascinating if you see it above the words. Some days, it is just to get some time alone, some days its really a requirement. But anyway... its beautiful... :)

Well... A bit about life

Writing after a long time... It has been such a busy time.Although I would never say it was tough, but it was not that much fun without putting my thoughts in words. It has become more like a habit to calm myself by writing, and when I don't write, it is like having a beehive for a head. :)

I have been thinking a lot about feelings lately. Whenever I sit down, I have different types of feelings in my heart, but I am not able to define them really. I can't say if it happens to everyone, as I never asked anyone, actually I never knew how to ask this... I feel angry, but I am happy also at the same time. I feel sad, but I am very hopeful at the same moment. I feel I am lonely, but then a voice in my head says I am loved by so many people. I feel like running away, but my heart tells me I can't leave the people I love so much. And I just sit there... like watching from a distance, wondering at this play of emotions, waiting for a certainty which never comes.

I guess it is better this way, I don't know if I could live with the feeling of not having options. Adventure & surprizes are very important, or life will become boring if I knew what is coming next. Where is fun in knowing everything... :) I am hoping for a new adventure every moment, every day... Not that I get many, but still a girl can dream !!!