RabindraNath Tagore, a name very famous in intellectual world as one of the best poets of his time. His poetry is like a sweet lullaby, beauty caught in words. However, I saw his paintings, and really it was a bit disappointment. I know I am not qualified to judge a big personality, I am just expressing my feelings. I always thought paining to be an art which can show beauty in ugliest of the things. It has a charm, in smooth flow of one color to another, a rhythm in change of shades, sometimes light playing tricks with colors, its just mesmerizing. But I didn't get the feeling when I saw Tagore's paintings in an exhibition. I felt it had a kind of raw edge in it which is completely absent in his poetry. It makes me feel that may be there was a part of him which was a bit raw, kind of angular, sharp, and difficult. May be one day I'll be able to read his whole work in poetry and understand more about him, his deep thoughts flowing from one to another, changing shades with every word, and making him immortal in his poems. 

Why do I read...

Its been a while... everyone asking me why I spend a lot of time sitting in my room with books. It's not exactly easy to explain why i prefer to spend time alone, or mostly with books and music. I guess it's just because it gives me time with myself. I love reading because it is not just a story which is going through my eyes, brain and heart... It is someone's way of looking at world, someone's definition of perfect world, someone's dream, someone's desires and wishes... so many things at once... it's really fascinating if you see it above the words. Some days, it is just to get some time alone, some days its really a requirement. But anyway... its beautiful... :)

Well... A bit about life

Writing after a long time... It has been such a busy time.Although I would never say it was tough, but it was not that much fun without putting my thoughts in words. It has become more like a habit to calm myself by writing, and when I don't write, it is like having a beehive for a head. :)

I have been thinking a lot about feelings lately. Whenever I sit down, I have different types of feelings in my heart, but I am not able to define them really. I can't say if it happens to everyone, as I never asked anyone, actually I never knew how to ask this... I feel angry, but I am happy also at the same time. I feel sad, but I am very hopeful at the same moment. I feel I am lonely, but then a voice in my head says I am loved by so many people. I feel like running away, but my heart tells me I can't leave the people I love so much. And I just sit there... like watching from a distance, wondering at this play of emotions, waiting for a certainty which never comes.

I guess it is better this way, I don't know if I could live with the feeling of not having options. Adventure & surprizes are very important, or life will become boring if I knew what is coming next. Where is fun in knowing everything... :) I am hoping for a new adventure every moment, every day... Not that I get many, but still a girl can dream !!!

The way I define my success...

A very busy day can also feel very beautiful once you get a feeling of doing something good, a satisfaction of an achievement, a joy of success. Sometimes when I sit alone & think, I see many of us don't celebrate that momentary feeling just waiting for a bigger success, but is it really worth waiting for? Would I want to spend my life  being all busy, with no time for myself, no rewards or happy moments, just for a bigger victory which might not even last for a day? Knowing myself, I would never stop at one milestone, I would like to go ahead. But to keep myself charged, I really love to enjoy those small moments of success, when I meet a person I always wanted to meet, when I get a very nice note/comment/reply from someone, when I get a compliment from someone, when I am able to help someone, when I spend time for myself even if I am doing some crazy stuff. I never like to define success in terms of my career growth. For me, success is something which gives me a happy feeling, a satisfaction of being important & useful. So, I celebrate it in a different way too. Sometimes, when I am happy with my work for the day, I reward myself by taking out some time at work to listen to my favorite songs, just close my eyes & feel the music. It is a very nice experience, because I am not burdened and certainly not waiting holding my breath for something big. Of course big things happen in my life, but it seems the small things I enjoy, are the main constituents of that big bang. So, why not enjoy both... Let me find what to celebrate today... 

Colors of life

Sometimes, life changes its colors so quickly that I am not able to recognize what is going on with me. I feel various things... happiness.... wonder.... rage.... a cloud in my throat.... different shades of my dreams.... and still feel I am in a different world. A world of my imaginations, where clouds are white like mountain of ice cream, where I don't need to hide myself to cry, where I can laugh without a reason. 

I don't know if you find it stupid... but I am writing all this because I wanted to write something. So many thoughts are floating in my mind, and I want to share them, but don't know from where to start. 

Well... when I sit in my room all alone, I can feel the charm of being alone, of being with myself. I can think about so many things and change them in to a story or a poem, or blog post. Wow! 

I am feeling beauty of life. When I was in Pilibhit, I used to love playing in rain... I still miss those childhood days. Now whenever it rains in Bangalore, I just love to look at gray black clouds and close my eyes to have a recap of those days. It is a bad thing that human memory is weak, as I am not able to recall everything. But still its good that I become happy with whatever I see, it is enough for me. 

Keep smiling!!!

The Amazing World

How one feels when a long awaited dream comes true? Is it like flying with beautiful wings of wind, invisible but still powerful to make you feel in zero gravity state? Or like some careless strokes of sand? 

For me, it is like when cool wind touches my face, carefully, gently but still making its presence felt. It is like respect which makes my heart bright, full of light. It is nothing tangible to show, just a feeling. Feeling of achievement, felling of satisfaction, feeling of doing something great. 

Who says achievements should be big? I think, a small 2 second handshake with a great personality is big enough to count as an achievement. Now, who defines the boundaries of greatness? I say, I'll go with limits set by my own heart. It is always more comfortable and convincing. 

It is same like how one defines beauty. Everything has something beautiful about it. Pale, golden sand has its own divine beauty and so is the case with white creamy snow, glittering due to sun rays. Blooming flowers with all the colors of rainbow have breathtaking beauty but falling leaves in autumn can also make you feel in heaven. 

The world is all about how one perceives it. I would see the world in a different way depending on how sensitive I am to feel small things, important things around me, how much I am able to admire mother nature, how much I can understand about a person from his/her eyes, how long I can experiment with my imaginations. 

I am on my way to explore, experience & feel these things & believe me- "This World is Really Amazing".

Pain is no loger painful......

How strange that pain & joy are so similar. Both can be derived from outside world and can be found inside deep corners of heart. Both peep out from eyes and people can read them from our face. When pain takes over, you become alone & no other thought can pop out in your mind. Same is the case with joy with just a slight difference that you would not like to come out of this joyful loneliness of your mind unlike pain. Both are essential to feel alive and also to be human, to be a friend, to make life lively. 

Excess of pain can make your eyes wet at times and stays in memory for longer to pinch again and again. Excess of joy is also equally effective to make you cry and tickle you for long time whenever it suddenly appears from unconscious memory. Both walks hand in hand, inseparably, incomplete without each other. Death is always painful but it is most significant when person dies joyfully and with peace in mind. You recollect the happy moments spent with someone and feel the pain of inability to live those moments again.. Infant's first cry is sign of happiness for others, a reason to celebrate and enjoy. When you accidentally come across something which reminds you of past pain and sorrow, you smile on your victory over sadness and dark side of life.

Can you enjoy rainbow with single color? No! Right? Then why be irrational by trying to avoid pain? Why become scared of sorrow? Accept both sides of coin to enjoy life to fullest extent possible. Face it with joy..... and PAIN IS NO LONGER PAINFUL..........